NESSEY TIP: When Going Through – Pull Through


We all go through things from time to time. Sometimes, “going through” something could be simply, “it’s really stressful,” lots of responsibilities, lots of things to do, or that are on our mind. STRESS. Generally, however, whenever we “go through” things – we are most likely referring to something that’s not only stressful, but downright difficult.

There’s no need to elaborate here – we all know what it’s like to go through pain – familial, relational, financial, even physical or mental. Pain is Pain and hits us in different areas at different times for different reasons and the general consensus is … WE DON’T LIKE IT. 

Pain has varying degrees – personal pain (health or ego/embarrassment) doesn’t have the same twinge as say a familial or relational issue at home. Pain also can impact other pains: financial pain can lead to relational or emotional pain, and the latter can affect health.

Regardless – “going through” difficult seasons, or persistent difficulties, has to potential of “coercing” or “influencing” our outlook from hope-filled expectation, to disappointment and discouragement; “dis” meaning “apart,” or “away,” “reversed“, to the “courage” (bravery, gusto, umph) “ment” (state of being). In other words: our “courage” or “emotional excitement” to seize the day or “see” the day has been “dissed” – slashed, cut, undermined. We just don’t have it.

Of course a lot of people have different remedies to this, medication, laughter, exercise, but honestly, I have found that the STRONGEST remedy for the pain we’re “going through” is to “pull through” someone else through theirs.

When we take the focus off of our own problems, pain, or dilemmas, we are inadvertently lessening the cut of the hurt. Focus by definition “sharpens” the image of whatever it is the view is centered on. By “focusing” on our situation, we’re sharpening it, and the sharper the knife, the deeper the cut. But by turning the focus from your own dilemma to a “”solution“‘ to another’s, your focus is now SHARPENED on an actual “Solution” – maybe not your own, but just the redirection of that viewing lens to a “positive outcome” for another’s pain can completely rejuvenate your own outlook (i.e. – looking OUT, not looking in, looking OUT of your present situation), which in turn can affect your OWN outcome (“come out” – to “come OUT” of wherever it is you currently are) because of where you’re looking (the positive).

Whatever it is we are thinking about, we most certainly will begin to manifest in our behavior, our appearance, and our speech. “Ya think about it, talk bout it, eat and drink and breathe about it, you eventually look, behave, and BECOME whatever that is.” (We are what we eat, right? Your body is still using things you ingested from last year – check out your hair). So if we eat, drink, and sleep proverbially the words and thoughts we are saying and thinking, our lives will certainly show the “content” of what they are.

However, it is VERY difficult, sometimes IMpossible for us to “strong arm” our own way up to positive thinking about our own situation – why? It hurts too much. (Doctors don’t do their own surgeries, and Mommy is the one “Little One” goes to for the “owy”). We are human, emotional beings and if we didn’t feel pain, that would be of some concern. We are also relational, communal based beings, and we were never meant to bear the pain alone either. This is why turning our focus to another’s situation, and doing our best to alleviate THEIR pain does indirectly help us with our own (and vice versa). 

Why does it feel good to help someone else out? Why is it emotionally gratifying to watch these talk shows where the host gives the “fallen on hard times family” a house or car? Or why do we get so excited for the talented “misfit” that wins a contest show? Why? Because seeing someone else achieve their success and achieve their positive break through gives us hope that there IS a good ending if we don’t quit.

Today, if you are hitting a low, reach out and check in with someone – maybe it’s someone you haven’t chatted with in a while, maybe it’s a family member, “Hi Mom,” and actually check into SEE (There’s that “focus” word) how THEY are doing. Resist the temptation to talk about your problems and pain and keep that “inner camera lens” trained on the subject at hand until you are completely ZEROED in on that person and their lives are SHARPLY in FOCUS. And then, do your best to help them REFOCUS their lens on a positive outcome … and you just might start feeling a curbing of that own ache you felt in your gut. 





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